Beer and Cookies #1

So this is my first beer blog post. I want to convince you that beer and cookies is a great combination. This is a theory that has been disputed, mostly by other assholes i know. I think that a good beer and a good cookie is all sorts of good all over your insides. I'm not suggesting that you grab a box of Oreo's and a tall boy of Pabst and get your dunk on (but I wouldn't judge you if you did). I'm just saying that two of the greatest comforts in the world are a brew and a delicious baked good, so why not pair them? Huh? Live a little.

I think we should start with how to taste a beer. Choosing a beer to drink with your cookie is like choosing a sexual partner. Kind of.

• First there's it's appearance. What does it look like? Dark and moody? Light and bubbly? A good head on its shoulders?
• Then there's Smell. This is my favorite quality of good beers and humans alike. Crisp and clean. Sweet. Funky. Toasted. I like funky. for both. yes. I said it. funky. Sue me.
  
• Taste is next. This is where you can stretch your descriptor muscles. Sure beers are tangy tart hoppy etc., but let's get the the heart of the matter. I had a friend describe a sexual encounter as having a beautiful angel with golden hair come down from heaven on a cloud of ecstasy and put it's mouth on your penis. I want a beer that tastes like that. Now. And a bed buddy like that wouldn't hurt, either.
  
• Mouthfeel. According to Merriam-Webster Online, mouthfeel is "the sensation created by food or drink in the mouth." I prefer to beg the questions "Is it long? Strong? Down the get the friction on?"
• And finally... Drinkability. Would you do it again? and again? and again? One night stand? Special occasions? In the sun or up in the shade? on the top of my Escalade? The term "Session Beer" goes back to the olden days during some war that doesn't concern me when Limey's were allowed to take a break and drink during one of two sessions: 11a-3p and 7p-11p. Obviously they were looking for a beer that they could guzzle for 4 hours without becoming so verschnickered they couldn't get back to work without being picked up by the Bobbies for being drunk and disorderly. Accordingly, these days a good session beer, I think, would be one around 4%-5%, tasty, not to heavy, that could be had over the course of an afternoon or evening without ruining your tomorrow. Same goes for a good fuck. Who wants a Saturday night's indiscretion to ruin Sunday morning brunch. Not me.

So, to review: Appearance, Smell, Taste, Mouthfell, Drinkability. Or you could use the mnemonic "A Shitty Taco Makes Diarrhea." I recommend you just memorize the aforementioned terms.

I will get to how to choose a cookie when I'm sober.